writing else-wear

Not much to say, just wanted to post something to show I'm still alive.

This was going to be a quiet month for blogging, due to NaNoWriMo, but since I decided not to do it, those hours for writing are still misplaced. Bass practice isn't taking it up either. Knitting is all I have to blame.

Of course, I had to start a knitting blog...

Enjoy.

4:49 p.m. 2004-11-22

recon-silly-ation

in the spirit of IM driven entries, this could be a milestone in my life:

D: sorry- boss came up
D: hm. I do want a free entry
D: though it wasn't what was on my mind
Me: I can ask. shouldn't be a problem.
D: I am trying to become less of an asshole.
Me: OK. um, good luck with that?
D: meaning, we were/are good friends, so I might just need to suck it up a bit
Me: We were great friends.
Me: I don't know what you need to suck up... C doesn't hate you. He hates me for telling you.
D: let me look at your ranking again.
D: see, I can't help myself
Me: He and I are wildly happy, but that doesn't have to impact our friendship.
Me: You're not an asshole, you're a sarcastic wiseass, and I love that about you.
Me: No need to suck up anything. Maybe say, "I don't want to hear if you're having problems" and get on with our lives.
Me: But even then. I think I'm in the clear for the "you're making the biggest mistake of your life"
D: no- I am an asshole...and rapidly becoming the stupid vapid gay man that I hate.
Me: do tell.
Me: Can I call you Mark?
D: oh- that is a story in and of itself.
D: when I ran into him.
D: on a date
D: argh
Me: yours or his?
D: mine
D: he was with his mealy friends
Me: Were you at Lime?
D: no- 2223
D: sadly, not kidding
D: the net result of the date was I came to work the next day drunk
D: possibly with puke on me
D: not so funny...more worrisome
Me: that's nasty.
M: are you drinking like crazy?
Me: was it your own puke? Puke of shame when you realized you were at 2223?
D: standard on and off
D: now on off
D: just in time for the holidays
D: ok- I have to get some crap done. We should make a plan.
Me: to be friends?
D: ok. What would you like to do, when?
Me: This isn't a date, is it?
Me: Whatever.
D: no. Then I'd be drinking.
Me: what about puking?
Me: coffee, movie, some "quality time"
D: more than likely lately
Me: Hanging with your friends...
Me: It doesn't need to be all process-y.
D: it won't be
Me: It just sucked that you disappeared from my life. And tell me if I did anything that pissed you off (besides loving another man).
D: fuck off
Me: was that ass-holish?
D: so I can do Friday night or mid afternoon Saturday
Me: Moving on.
Me: I'm in Vegas until Sat 3:30
Me: Later Saturday afternoon? I'm sure I'll be on C overload. We do have separate lives.
Me: Or Sunday?
D: I have dinner plans at 6
Me: OK... We land at 3:30, I can call when I get home, but it may just be a quickie.
D: Sunday mid afternoon should be ok
Me: Perfect.
Me: Talk this weekend? Same phone number?
D: sure- yes, same number.
Me: I'd say let's run, but I haven't and could barely deal with an hour.
D: I'll have already run by that point
Me: then we'll just eat blocks of cheese.
D: just coffee for me. I have a great deal of cheese built-in.
Me: I've missed your shit.
D: remid me to tell you about scat boy then
Me: I can't wait.
D: ttyl

1:59 p.m. 2004-11-09

hells yes.

The aforementioned jazziness has been abandoned. There will be no novelling for me this month. Too many other competing things.

Now, before you run off and list the reasons that I need to stick it out, that this is how I'm supposed to feel on the second week, let me list my own. I never even made it to the second day. I only wrote once last week, and despite the best intentions to write on Friday and the entire weekend through, life happened. I'm not blaming circumstance, I'm choosing to spend my time otherwise.

Knitting. Bass lessons. Planning a small business and my financial future. Swimming. Little things like those.

I'll still blog. Maybe even write in my notebooks or turn my stuttering start into a short story. I just don't have time to open myself up to the process of the NaNo project. Sorry.

There are 11 other months in the year that may hold novels. And, I'm OK with that.

Like my wise then-ex boyfriend said (hence beginning our reconcilliation), "Every 'yes' is a 'no.'"

5:27 p.m. 2004-11-08

bland and bloated (like the country)

me: I love you puddles.
ge: i love you too.
ge: i do not love the america
me: The america is wrong and very not nice.
ge: the america made me have nightmares all night and i woke up crying...while watching the results last night i was on craigslist/montreal looking for an apartment
me: I was thinking about the america all night last night. It was like a reverse Christmas Eve, where I didn't want to wake up the next day. The america didn't make me cry last night, but I have cried many time today.
ge: it's so weird. i felt like 9/11 all over. i was curled in a ball, i'm kind of numb...it's not even bush at this point, it's the half of the country that actually agrees with him. it's so far past my realm of thinking.
ge: i emailed my friend who's teaching english in taiwan to find out how to do it
me: a year of escape and lots of great photography opportunities.
ge: at the very least. i'm tired of people already telling me not to be defeatist....but you know what? i'm tired. i invested a lot into this fucking election and i'm just tired of fighting. the politicians keep saying it's time to unite the country...no, it's not. the country isn't going to unite anytime soon and bush certainly isn't the one to try. asshole. and fuck those 11 states that banned marriage (and the 9 that also banned civil unions).
me: I'm sad that I've lost touch with my inner activist, but on the other hand, I bet I'd be taking this much, much worse. it feels so hopeless and the america doesn't want to be united, it wants us to do it their way. we know shrub won't be uniting anything, smug-headed fuck-wad. he'll call it a mandate.
ge: he did call it a mandate. actually, i guess cheney called it a mandate. whatever. i would love for ohio to change and go to kerry. JD (the live-in) didn't get his absentee ballot until monday. bastards
me: I don't know what to do with myself for the next, say four years. I just hope that there will be a surprise when the count up all the provisionals and absentees (not just in Ohio). but hoping that states change (flip-flop?) based on late vote counting is the equivilent of a political (crack) pipe dream.
ge: it would be sweet karma if that happened. bush would have the popular vote (which is insane) but not have the white house...not that i overly believe in kerry either. but c'mon...
me: dream on, dream lover.
ge: i'm a dreamer, what can i say? but i guess now i'm a nightmare-er.

I just ate a sorry-ass lunch of half a block of tofu, left-over spaghetti and some pre-made pesto.

I feel like the title of today's entry.

1:40 p.m. 2004-11-03

NoWriMo ahoy

here we go... it's that time of year. I'm already wondering if I'll do NaNoWriMo next year. I barely got started this year.

Between reading Chris' book last night and some note-scribbling on the BART, I feel jazzed about doing this. Despite the fact I haven't been writing regularly, Natalie's writing practice or otherwise. Despite the fact that I happily skipped last week's writing workshop/class because I was sick. Despite the fact that I could/should be spending my spare time writing a business plan for my future self-employment. Despite the fact that I've been a compulsive knitter for a week (knitting will be my reward when I finish a day's writing!).

I haven't jumped off before the train even departed. I'm on it. I just may nap here for the first day...

12:56 p.m. 2004-11-01

past - future