a new costumed custom

I really, really want to go home right now, but it's my last chance to write this month. There's no telling if next month will have more or less writing.

it was, of course, Halloween today. a good-natured co-worker sent out a great email encouraging people to dress up today. I wanted to be more malicious and just tell the new people that is was a tradition and practically required that everyone dress, then see how many believed my lie.

typically, we just have a baby parade of all of the employees' kids. this was the first year of my five here that adult participation was highly encouraged and accomplished!

I was pretty lazy, just grabbing a Royal British Marine uniform from the closet and some 20-hole non-Docs (Ranger's, I think?). we had an adorable mouse (yarn ears/hat, painted nose, brown dress all strapped to a mouse pad), Elvis-sh (the King with pointy ears), a Sumo wrestler (self-inflating costume), Sno-Cap (matching scarf and hat with candy boxes attached to a turtleneck), a doctor, a cowboy (with one of those massive foam oversized hats), a pilot (military jumpsuit... back off Mr. Cruise), a nun (Sister Bloody Mary), some wings, some socks, a Hawaiian woman (who's really a Hawaiian woman), a couple of 70s hipsters, and one fabulous elastic-waist, cut-off t-shirt, headbanded, 1980s weightlifter dude.

remember days like this when I whine about this place. and, yes, there are photos elsewhere on the 'net, should you know where I work.

6:56 p.m. 2005-10-31

all's well on the western front

you just called, then I looked at this website and read "Doing it every day" about journaling. I know how pissed I get when there's nothing to read (of the ten's of blogs I regularly peruse). so why I treat you so bad?

I obsessively check you daily, but have been remiss in returning the favor. of course there's content to share, but more often then not, I write to dump crap out of my head, assuming that it's not going to be read. the picture painted not only has tattered edges, but major holes and vast chunks missing.

I don't even know where to start. check my knitting blog and myworkurl/blog for a tiny glimpse. there's a handful of entries over at blogger, written during the Poland trip. (no link, for fear of identifying my offline and online lives.) umm, umm, what else?

moving forward, I'll try to be a bit more regular and paint a better picture of life on this side of the country. I know I wouldn't enjoy my whining about procrastinating at work. well, just not in the volume that I was doing there for a bit. I already told you about the beard growing contest (just call me "Patches").

once I do this migrating thing, I'll try to consolodate everything into one place, with some selective editing. figure out what kind of categories my writing clumps into and go from there.

hearing your voice made my day. it's great to know you're thinking of me. 'cause I'm a-thinkin' of you lots and lots too.

there's a fine, fine line between love, and waste of your time. I want to be on the love side of that equasion, just not in the dirty puppet sex way.

2:44 p.m. 2005-10-27

la bibiotheque

truly, too much happens in one day to capture it all. and when it's not recorded, such wonderful memories disappear forever. only my soul remembers on a psychic level.

in addition to some laundry and closet organization and a visit to the manfriend's office for lunch, Friday saw the opening into an entire new world... the SF library.

it was more than I could have imagined. six floors, built around a spiraling element that capped the skylights that shone down through the entire building. I entered from Larkin St. after locking my bike to a signpost.

[side note: I so love riding around town on my single-gear bike. why don't I do that more often? I feel more connected to the City, like I actually live here, and I'm reminded of a time when there was no other options other than walking or public transportation. if I ever meet a reader in person, please ask if I'm still riding. if not, I'm probably not in as good of a mood as I could be. back to our regularly scheduled story.]

one must descend a mini flight of stairs to get to the "ground" floor. there, I filled out my application and was handed my library card. because my driver's license doesn't have my current address on it, I had to show a piece of mail. luckily, at lunch, manfriend gave me the letter from the City Assessor's office about our loft. it's addressed to me.

I took the elevator up to the top floor and slowly wandered my way down. there are computer terminals everywhere. the entire library catalogue is accessible, and there are even Internet terminals one can reserve. were I ever homeless, I'd spend entire days there. amazing periodical section. want to learn a foreign language? borrow some DVDs? you can. I leafed through knitting books galore and ended my day wandering through the James Hormel Gay and Lesbian history exhibit in the basement. don't worry, it's next to the cafe, not just abandoned down there.

forget Avenue Q's lamenting, "I Wish I Could Go Back to College." I can access that sense of hope and possibility anytime I go there. it was like I had forgotten every single "Reading is FUNdamental" poster I saw growing up. I felt as if I could access the entire world. it will have to be a very special book for me to buy it in the future. why bother when you can get stuff for free? and reserve it from your home online?

how soon we forget or take for granted the magic that is the library. up to eight items for 3 weeks! and you can renew them online! there are videos, DVD's, magazines, and TONS OF BOOKS.

you'd think I'd had never seen one. that I didn't live at one for an entire summer in 1980 voraciously reading. that my father hadn't humiliated and publicly reprimanded me for not including my middle initial, that of his first name, when applying for my library card in 1984. that my first glimpse into queer literature and identity politics were on the second floor of my high school.

visit your local library. and use it. I'll be kicking it there every so often. if only to use the free WiFi. or read a magazine I've never heard of. I just don't want it to go to waste!

9:18 p.m. 2005-10-15

still haven't brushed my teeth

I am home today. we get every other Friday off of work. I worked last week, so I'm taking this one off.

so far this morning, I've knit, I've been online looking for a book at the public library and now I'm writing here.

I'm avoiding the Poland video footage, which is what I should be doing right now. I'm running the company meeting on Thursday and I want to piece something together for G and C to review on Tuesday. 2 hours of building houses for Jesus need to be edited down to 3-5 minutes. I could also do email for work, but then it wouldn't be much of a day off, now would it?

last night, the manfriend and I ate at our favorite fancy pants Mexican restaurant in Oakland: gourmet cheese and chanterelle mushroom enchilladas. a few beers. but I still find myself craving the big .5 L beers from Poland.

we're headed to a party tonight at a swimmer friend's house. we had her over for dinner on Monday and I learned what a big crafter/artist she is.

however, before tonight's lesbian party, we have to go to a drag queen going away party. I feel so damn social.

something I didn't do much in Europe: working out. it's been difficult to return to swimming. a month out of the pool and all my synchro skills suck. that said, I've been enjoying practice and find my head in a good place re: synchro, for a change.

I have practice tomorrow, but I'm also going to a yoga workshop (I'm not a hippy) in the afternoon. go fitness. maybe I should go run.

I'm going to get back to my knitting now.

9:49 a.m. 2005-10-14

refuge on a sofa

surprisingly well-rested, despite being banished to the couch by the incessant snoring of one manfriend. now he's grinding coffee beans and I'm hoping the yawning will stop.

it didn't look good, as I outlasted the 30-minute sleep timer on the ipod. normally, I can fall asleep in less than 4 minutes. but, as is often the case, if he gets a headstart on the going to bed, I'm in for a night of shaking the snorer, hoping to reset his breathing,

to no avail. I swear, he was waking me up every 20 minutes, or was it every 2. it was torture, being awakened each time sleep tried to descend on me.

dropping a bunch of stitches and sitting up to until 11:45 to fix them wasn't a smart move, but I was on a roll. in addition to knitting, I rifled through cupboards, drawers and even emptied a box, in search of an old list that lived on my fridge of my favorite productive uses of time.

although, I don't necessarily feel more organized, at least I've refreshed my sense of where things are. I stayed late at work in a similar fit of inspiration. I carefully guided 3x5 cards through the printer and made my first attempt at the hiptster PDA.

a bunch of books are arriving next week from Amazon, so I'm expecting to soon be Getting Things Done, living The Power of Now and stumbling though some SARK inspiration/procrastination mess.

6:59 a.m. 2005-10-12

drinking during work

I really need to work on reducing the amount of time I surf blogs before I stop and force myself to jot a bon mot or two down here.

another uneventful day at work, save the fun Sur La Table cooking class about 20 of us went to. sadly, I was stuck making crostini (as if I couldn't figure out how to toast bread brushed with olive oil!). luckily, I was working with our CEO, and I always enjoy chatting with her. Spanish wine is yummy, too.

early in the day, I almost made a newer employee cry. that would have been two for two in two days. I guess I should check how strongly I express myself. granted, both of my fellow coworkers were in delicate states of mind. but if I'm telling you I'd like to see the copy before we send it to the vendor (that I manage), I'm not saying you're doing a bad job. I was so careful to talk about future events, not this one. oh, well.

our tapas meal was OK. I'd try some of the recipes at home. I was also inspired to perhaps buy a new knife, but sadly, the one I want has a TV personality's name emblazoned on it. maybe I'll hold off on that purchase.

in other consumerist news, dropping into Art Fibers makes me realize that I'd rather be knitting, than working here. Rune, Mammoth, Sage and Sherlock. I don't have time to make all the sweaters in my head.

4:07 p.m. 2005-10-11

morning joy

why is it that the simplest things are sometimes the things that bring us the most pleasure? and, counter-intuitively, they are most often avoided?

this morning I rode into work. not my folding Breezer, the beast to lug up- and downstairs into BART stations. just my simple single-gear (with freewheel, because I'm not that cool or tattooed).

I rode it yesterday to meet SG for brunch, a scant 15 blocks away from my house. sadly, my car has been more habitual than my bike. weekends and weekdays alike. the joy of speeding from SOMA to the Mission, along the flats of Harrison made me smile. I had to ride it to work today.

since it's not a foldie, I needed to go all the way to Embarcadero to get on the train. "all the way" doesn't mean much now that I've moved from 30th and Dolores to 10th and Bryant. it was pretty darn simple. again, flat SOMA streets, Folsom this time, to 2nd, and a quick jaunt to the first station entrance.

I arrived here before 9:15. earlier than I've come in since my return from europe. coasting downhill from the North Berkeley station made me smile. even the frantic search for my rear light didn't take away any of the morning's joy.

other than the iPod mini, it was a total deja-vu from 2004, as I read No Plot? No Problem!. I'm even looking forward to riding homo.

11:12 a.m. 2005-10-10

cup of ambition

so much for the fabulous day off. after staying here until 8:30 last night, I decided that I just NEEDED to come back to work today!

I'd like to start next week as close to on the ball as possible, not behind it. I don't want to be digging out from the almost-month-off. here's to being proactive.

just to plant a seed, or remember a tickle of inspiration, since DS is changing positions, I'm considering applying for her old one. it would take me away from the Web, but give me more hard skills and different exposure across the company.

gosh, I sound like an MBA application.

10:38 a.m. 2005-10-07

getting regular

hey, babe. it's me.

I'm sorry I didn't talk to you yesterday. seriously, I had planned to. I hope the fact that we chatted twice on Tuesday gets me some credit. I'd like to chat with you each day, but you know how it is.

I'm so overwhelemed by work. there's so much reading to catch up on. on blogs. I guess there's a bunch of email, too, but the blogs are so much more fun. I feel more grounded now.

I had better jot down thoughts about Poland and such before the memories erode into edited down haiku. but I should do that off the clock.

speaking of which, I got tomorrow off. Dunno what I'm going to do... plan some knitting, read up for NaNoWriMo, rearrange the house clutter. I'll try to find some time to type/talk with you.

thanks for being here.

3:44 p.m. 2005-10-06

27 days and counting

just testing out this thing... is it really counting?

I just spent all morning browsing the NaNoWriMo site and I'm psyched for this year. dunno if I'll finish it, just feels good to be inspired.

just having read two books in the past few weeks (both in separate one-day sittings) has me feeling more confident about my ability to write. not that I have to read every single, dingle book before I write something myself, I'm just a smidge less-intimidated by my lack reading breadth.

the sun has fully risen. it's been two hours of early morning browsing. I should start the coffee and try to get my ass out the door at a reasonable hour for my first day back at work since September 8th.

one more thing, last year's one day effort wasn't that bad. for 1800+ words, I did OK for a day's effort. this year will be knitting when not writing, hooping will have to go on a backburner and running, working out, etc. will have to fit within the confines of a workday.

not bad. 183 words. nice.

7:32 a.m. 2005-10-04

(GMT) time will tell

it's early, early girly time and I'm wide awake. I've been passing out way past my European bedtime and way earlier than my typical US bedtime. I just got back from three weeks of travel on Sunday.

I thought I'd be writing from afar, personal reflections on how the trip was changing me, what I wanted to do with my life, and the meaning of the world and such. alas, no. I was too busy just enjoying what did happen.

sure, there is the work blog (sorry, no link, just trying to be wise), but that only provides a glimpse into the trip. I think that I only posted four of five times there during the entire trip. then, there was the work blog that's for consumers which saw only one post (again, not to be linked to).

it feels good to not beat myself up for not writing more. I do have one handwritten piece that I'll through online elsewhere, but this trip wasn't really about be being a writer. if it's meant to be, I'll troll my memories, as they fade, and use those experience for something else.

my travels after the trip didn't go as planned, due to the wonderful people I met and my desire to not be alone. I didn't want a week of looking at "old towns" and three capitals of countries barely 15 years old.

instead, I went south to Krakow, something I regretted was not included in my original itinerary. I further fell in love with Poland there. After a few days there, I set off to Prague and stayed with a friend of G's who we met in Krakow. a party monster to say the least. I fully blame her for my not going to bed my last night there.

pulling an all-nighter was a smart move, regarding my transition back here, despite my current insomnia. I only had two nights in Helsinki, but I slept deeply and dozed productively during my 20-hour travel day back to SF.

hopefully, I won't become so adjusted to PST and resume a late-sleeping schedule. I wouldn't mind more productive mornings, early starts to my work day (and earlier departures from the office) and creating some time to be more in my body, not just a slave to my income earning time.

it's great to be home. remember this feeling of optimism and possibility, of understanding and gratitude for my life. cherish the new perspective and eyes wide open for the little things and how gorgeous life is, on any continent.

5:31 a.m. 2005-10-04

past - future